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I don't often indulge in scatological humor, but now and then a guy just has to unload. I wouldn't even mention it, if it wasn't related to something scientific in nature. I was at a museum with a geologist friend of mine and I noticed something odd in one of the display cases.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, "That look like a huge..." "Yes," my geologist friend said, cutting me off, "That is fossilized dinosaur poo." "You're kidding!" I read the plaque and saw that my friend was not, shall we say, "pooing" me. "That is awesome!" I added. I could barely contain my excrement - I mean excitement. This was the best thing I had ever seen in a museum. I memorized the name of it and my geologist buddy helped me on the pronunciation. It is called coprolite. "I can't believe they have it on display," I commented. "Those scientific types certainly must think a lot of dinosaurs." I couldn't have been more right. I discovered later, in a book by Carl Sagan called The Dragons of Eden, that there were many theories about the extinction of the dinosaurs. On page 145 I read the following about such theories: "All the explanations proposed seem to be only partly satisfactory. They range from massive climatic change to mammalian predation to the extinction of a plant with apparent laxative properties, in which case the dinosaurs died of constipation." Amazing. But there was more. In A Short History of Nearly Everything (p. 69) Bill Bryson tells about the Reverend William Buckland. Mr. Buckland inspired Charles Lyell's interest in geology, and Charles Lyell's book The Principles of Geology would later have a great influence on Charles Darwin's work. But that's all beside the point. The main object of interest is that William Buckland became an authority on coprolite and "had a table made entirely out of his collection of specimens." How cool is that? My discovery of coprolite prompted many jokes on an anti-intellectul nature that I shall not torment you with, except to say that they eventually turned into a series of tales involving Corporal Coprolite and his faithful sidekick, Private Pisalot. I am, after all, a male of the species and, by default, I am incapable of every completely growing up. Please don't use this as an excuse to dump on me. It would be a waste. My geologist friend explained to me that Steven Spielberg wanted to focus more on the coprolite angle in the Jurassic Park films. I expressed some doubt, but then my buddy said, "Oh yeah, what do you think Park is backwards?" Stunned by this revelation, I gained a new respect for Steven Spielberg. "That certainly explains the reviews the film got," I said. "Boy, what else does this museum have?" I continued, hoping to discover something like The Toilets of the Gods. "I'm afraid that's the best of it," my friend answered. But he was wrong. When we got to the Egyptian exhibit, we learned that the Egyptians thought their intellect resided within their heart, so when the Egyptians mummified the Pharaohs, they kept their hearts, but pulled their brains out of the noses and threw them out. "Maybe that's what happened to you," my buddy said. "Coprolite Head," I responded. "Don't think you can make me the butt of your jokes, Pharaoh Brain!" "Coprolite Head," I answered. "Pharaoh Brian!" he yelled back. It was then that security escorted us out. Anyway, I really enjoyed our trip to the museum. It was very educational. You should go. Then you can become an intellectual, just like me. |
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