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"Sharron," I said to my wife, "I think we should get TiVo."
I was standing in the doorway that links the kitchen to the front room. "The Apprentice" was on in the living room, the "American Idol" results show was on in the kitchen, and I was getting whiplash from jerking my head back and forth to watch both of them. Not only were we watching two TV shows at once, but we were doing about five other things as well. Sharron was decorating an archway for her daughter's wedding in the living room. Rolls of tulle and plastic ivy lay beside the coffee table. Sharron lifted the archway to wrap ivy around it, blocking my view of the TV, so I switched stations by turning my head. Commercials came on in both rooms simultaneously, causing both of us to switch tasks. Sharron grabbed a bag of trash and headed out the door. "Normal people don't live like this," I heard her say as the door shut behind her. She was right. It was crazy. Knowing I only had a couple minutes of commercial time, I ran into the computer room to check on things there. On one computer, I was downloading a file. (We need TiVo AND high-speed Internet access.) On the other computer, I was updating my Internet browser. On the floor was a box for the new computer monitor I had installed the day before because the old one broke. Sticking out from the scanner were some pictures I had scanned and emailed to my brother. On top of that was the HTML manual I was using for a reference as I rebuilt my website. The manual sat under the Turbo Tax box, because it was not yet April 15 but pretty darn close. "Doesn't technology make our lives wonderful?" I asked Sharron, as we reconvened in our spot between the two televisions. She wasn't so sure. What we really need, I thought, are some robots to do all of the things that technology has enabled us to do. We need TiVo, high-speed Internet access, AND robots. This prompted another thought, "When Robots comes out on DVD," I said, "I'm buying it." "When are you going to watch it?" "Right after I watch The Incredibles, I Heart Huckabees, Finding Neverland, and seasons one and two of Bullwinkle and Rocky. " "Ah," Sharron answered. I couldn't tell if she didn't believe I was ever going to watch them all or if she was too engrossed in the "American Idol" results. They were announcing the loser for that week. I turned my head. Someone had just gotten fired on "The Apprentice." The shows finished, and we almost got involved in the programs that followed. Fortunately for us, they were so bad we felt compelled to turn off the TVs. Suddenly, we were free to move about the house. We ran outside and got the laundry. Then we turned everything off and lugged the clothes up the stairs where, sitting across from the bed, my PlayStation Two beckoned to me. It sits vertically on a stand, a red light beaming from the top of it, looking not unlike HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey." "Would you like to play a game?" it asked. Its tone was far more seductive than it should have been. "We should play a PlayStation game," I said to Sharron. "Which one?" "How about Monopoly?" "No." "Champions: Return to Arms?" "No." "How about the game where we don't turn on the PlayStation and we go to sleep instead?" "Okay. I like that one." That night I dreamed I lived in a log cabin in the woods where there was no electricity. It was quiet and peaceful. I was surrounded by the beauty of nature. Henry David Thoreau stopped by. We sat and talked. My wife touched my shoulder to wake me up. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked. "You were moaning." "Sorry. I had the worst nightmare. It was so... boring!" "It's okay sweetheart," she assured me. "It wasn't real. It was just a dream." |
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