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Robert and Nadine live in a resort community by the water. Sharron and I went to visit them because we thought that maybe we could do something there that we never do at home -- relax.
When Sharron first mentioned the idea to me, I was surprised and confused. "Relax!" I said, "What’s that?" She tried to explain it to me. "It’s when you don’t sit at the computer writing, you don’t work on the house, and you don't work on the yard. You just kick back with friends, talk and drink, and you don’t really set out to DO anything at all." "People do that?" I asked. "Yes," Sharron explained patiently. "Normal people do." "Wow. Well, maybe we should give it a shot." The day came and, for Robert and me, it was to begin with golf. When I play golf, it isn’t really relaxing, so I was fine with that. That way I could say that I didn’t spend the whole day doing nothing. My god, what would people think? The golf course is open to everyone who lives in the resort community, but, this time, there was a catch. There was a tournament going on, so we could get on the golf course if we wanted, but we would have to wait for three hours. Instead, we opted to hit some balls at the driving range. There’s a good chance that the golf gods had arranged this so that Robert and I would not damage the community's immaculate course. Normally I suck at golf, but that day I would have extra sucked, if there is such a term. Maybe the word for it is suckified. I’m not sure, but you get the idea. My first ball went dribbling off the tee and landed about five feet in front of me. The second bounced across the driving range. The third angled off to the right cutting across the view of the real golfers. I eventually got it under control, in the same way that someone might call an earthquake "under control" when it is just a tremor. Robert and I agreed that the golf course was a safer place without us on it. We went back to Robert and Nadine’s and decided to go out on the boat. I had a beer, which is pretty rare for me at ten in the morning. On the boat, there were no computers, no weeds to pull, and in fact, nothing really for me to do except enjoy the scenery and the breeze coming off the water. I reluctantly gave in and did just that. I leaned against Sharron and smiled. The bliss was eventually interrupted by a sudden sense of urgency and my immediate need to do something. My morning beer had struck! I informed Robert I had to use the facilities. We turned the boat around and headed back to the house. I began to feel good about my day. I had met with a crisis and resolved it. I was being productive! But more leisure activities were in store. Next on the agenda was swimming. I was warned that the lake contained a certain amount of duck poo. We had to put rubber slippers on before we went in the water, and I asked Nadine if it was because the bottom of the lake was slippery due to the duck problem or if there was some other reason. "Do you really want to know?" she asked. "Yes." "Well, there are little worm things on the bottom of the lake that will stick to your feet if you don’t wear the booties." Nice, I thought. Worms and duck poo -- a recipe for relaxation. But, regardless of this, the water was wonderful. Floating in the water beside my wife and friends, I again felt that unfamiliar feeling of actually enjoying myself. I knew subconsciously that eventually this would cause me to be eaten away by guilt (if not worms), but I was not going to worry about it just then. Swimming was followed by a warm shower and another trip out on the boat where we had champagne, crackers, smoked salmon, and brie. I ate all of it and part of a life jacket. Robert casually mentioned that when we got back to the house we could do anything we wanted to, even fall asleep. I took note of this. Meanwhile, with the aid of the champagne and the serene blue waters of the lake, I reluctantly became comfortable again. There was some sort of calamity involving a missing champagne glass, but I ignored it. It was about two in the afternoon when we returned to the house. I don’t think Robert even recalls mentioning that we could sleep, but I had recorded it in my mind the instant he said it, so I laid down on the couch and immediately passed out. There were Englebert Humperdink songs (Robert’s choice) blasting on the stereo, but that didn't stop me. I am told that while I was asleep, Robert, Nadine, and Sharron came over to look at me in wonder. "He’s asleep," they said. "I can’t believe he went to sleep." Nor can I. Perhaps I had taken the whole relaxation thing too far, or maybe I was just getting good at it. I don’t know how much drama and intrigue you can stand, so I won’t fill you in on the details of the rest of the day, except to say that we listened to loud music, talked, laughed, and had a great time regardless of how against my nature that is. We left, smiling and happy, promising that we would do it again sometime, but I thought to myself that it would be a while before we did... After all, having a great day like that just can’t be good for you. |
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