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I read somewhere that the mind is like a drunken monkey. If that's true, then the subconscious mind is like a elephant on nasal decongestants stumbling around breaking everything while trying to find a Kleenex. In you are unclear about what I mean by using that odd allegorical image, I mean that the subconscious mind -- especially the dreaming mind -- is whacked. Don't even bother trying to figure that part of your brain out.
I woke up in the middle of the night not long ago and wrote down this phrase: "Easter Cheese will knock that other cheese right out of your mouth!" I don't know what it means, but I'm pretty sure it's a commercial for Easter Cheese. And, no, I do not know what Easter Cheese is, but if you're selling it, have I got the slogan for you! The dreaming mind is confused about a lot of things. It can't even keep people straight from one second to the next. The last time I had a dream in which one person stayed the same throughout the dream was in 1982, and that was when I had a whole entire dream about Yosemite Sam. Then, of course, there was that stupid dream I had just minutes ago where I ate a giant marshmallow... The subconscious mind also sucks at geography and quadratic equations. Proof of this is in the fact that I have slept through tests on these subjects and my subconscious mind was no help at all. One college professor had difficulty understanding why I solved an algebra problem with a doodle of a starfish. There is no need to worry if your dreams are bizarre. If you have a dream in which you square dance with a sandwich, don't worry about it. If you have a dream in which the balloon people take your lunch money, there is also no need for concern. Should you wake up from a dream where you were sailing down a river of orange soda in a tea kettle, uh... if you have that one, you should seek counseling immediately! The dreaming mind is the land of talking tongue depressors, jackals wearing windbreakers, and uncooperative snorkel salesmen. Actually, this column is not about the subconscious mind at all; it's about colorful images. Please cross out the title of the column and replace it with "Colorful Images." Then cross that out and write "I Love Bruce. He is Funny." Then cross that out and write, "Bruce's Amazing Interactive Column!" Okay, you can finish reading the column now. I'd apologize for how strange it is, but I woke from a dead sleep at 3:20 in the morning to write it. Honest, I did. I'll touch it up a little before you read it... maybe. Basically, this is pretty much it. I'm going back to bed now. Hey! Where's my pillow? |
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