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It's a thankless job being the Colorado River. It works very hard with no pay and very little recognition.
"I'll see to it that you get a raise," I said to the river. I doubt that it heard me. I was thousands of feet above it in a helicopter. Otherwise, it probably would have heard me just fine and gurgled a watery "Thanks." Our first view of the Grand Canyon was from the helicopter. The helicopter took us over the desert flatlands of Arizona to the edge of the canyon where it seems as if the world drops away. The canyon is a jagged landscape of geological puzzle pieces, destined never to be put together. I imagined a zipper big enough to stretch the length of the canyon. If zipped shut, the canyon would draw together, the sides of it crunching into place, and the flat surface of Arizona would be restored to its once pristine shape. Then an announcer would say something about Levi's, a marketing agent would get paid, and hopefully, the Colorado River would get a commission. This goes to show you that the Grand Canyon, in all its glory, has many different effects on those who view it and that people come away with varied impressions. Standing on the South Rim, with the Grand Canyon underfoot, I was reminded of a scene in the IMAX film about the canyon where the first Spanish explorers come upon it. It must have been incredible to be walking through the desert, not expecting anything, and to then come upon this vast and colorful chasm. "Holy cow," they must have thought, "We're going to have to go around." It was interesting listening to the comments of modern day visitors to the canyon. People from everywhere come to see it, from places as far away as Australia, Africa, and Redondo Beach. "Dude, this is *bleeping* hardcore!" said one visitor. One lady sat on a rock at the edge of the canyon smoking a cigarette and, in a cockney accent, she discussed with her mother the virtues of different beauty parlors. Parents, visibly excited by the canyon, pointed out features to their children, some of who clearly seemed bored. "After this," I heard one of them ask, "can we go to the hotel? I want to take a long bath and a nap." The canyon does seem more impressive to adults. Children often see the wonder in the little things that we take for granted, but sometimes it takes someone who has seen a lot to realize just how impressive something like the Grand Canyon is. There is nothing like it anywhere in the world. One lady, after taking our picture for us, said "Isn't it amazing what God has created?" "Wow," I thought to myself, "She must go to that church where they worship erosion." My own impression of the canyon was that it was so massive that it didn't seem real. I was reminded of the Grand Canyon diorama on the Disneyland train ride. The rocks could have been made from cardboard, and the view, spanning a thousand miles, could have been painted on canvas and propped up in the back. Standing there it occurred to me that the Disneyland version of the Grand Canyon was more realistic than I thought, and the Grand Canyon, itself, looked kind of fake. But in those moments when I could convince myself that it was real, it was stunning. One master of ennui' described the Grand Canyon as "just a really big hole." But it is more than that. It is a really really big hole. In the visitor's center there are a series of pictures of the canyon taken from the same exact spot during different times of day. Each scene looks remarkably different. As the sun makes its way over the canyon, the scene below changes dramatically. The artist Monet was so obsessed with light and its effect upon what we see that he spent hours painting the same haystacks over and over again as the light changed. He would have gone berserk at the Grand Canyon. I found myself similarly obsessed, taking pictures as the colors and shadows of the canyon changed. "The light! It's changing again!" I would say to my wife, "Honey? Wait up Honey!" It is for this reason that I have to wait until I get my tax return from next year before until I can afford to finish getting all of my film developed. Along the southern rim of the Grand Canyon are several structures built by architect Mary Elizabeth Jane Coulter and commissioned by Fred Harvey, who is famous for the Harvey hotels and restaurants that could, prior to World War II, be found at major railway stops. They were like anti-McDonalds, with quality food and quality service. Since then, that sort of thing has gone out of fashion. The history of the South Rim is, of course, even more fascinating now that I have been there, and my exploits -- especially the part about where I lost the lens cap to my camera -- will go down in history. The structures that Mary Jane Coulter built include the Bright Angel Lodge where we had lunch, the Desert View Watch Tower where we watched the sun set, and the Hopi House where my wife said, "I Hopi we can find some postcards here." One of the interesting features of the Bright Angel Lodge is the fireplace that is built in different layers of rock. Each layer is taken from the different geological layers of the canyon. The entire room was metamorphised by the fireplace. It made me feel very sedimental. The design was igneous. It's not one of those things that could be taken for granite. I'm sorry. I apologize for all the geology puns. It's just that the fireplace really rocked. Other structures built by Mary Coulter are the Lookout Studio and Hermit's Rest. Hermit's Rest is only accessible via the park shuttle or by hiking. We decided not to hike because when we were there at the Grand Canyon the temperature was in the 110's. They canceled the mule rides on those days because they didn't want the mules to melt. The park shuttles are operated by drivers of various temperaments. After riding the shuttles around the south rim, we learned a lot about these very interesting, but rarely talked about, inhabitants of the South Rim. One was a gentleman who had read books about the canyon and filled us in on facts that we would have not otherwise known or cared about. Another driver was young and very insistent that everyone be safe. If the tourists failed to be safe and tripped on the steps of the bus, the driver would slam the doors on them and run over their feet. We probably would not have learned anything about the third driver expect for the fact that we set up front next to the nosiest lady this side of the Rio Grande. She asked the driver every question in the book. "What's your name? Have you been driving this bus for a long time? Do you like driving the bus? How big is the bus? What's the make and model of the bus? Are you married? Do you have children? Do they do drugs? What's the next stop? What time is it? Have you ever been to Florida? Do you have any unusual tattoos? What's the capital of Paraguay? Do you like my shoes? Where does this bus go? Am I bothering you? It sure is hot. Do you think it's hot? How hot does it get here? How cold does it get? Is that Fahrenheit or Celsius? Do you know where I can buy a soda? Have you had any amazing adventures on this bus? The lady's husband was an elderly balding man who had clearly gone insane. He sat there with a goofy grin on his face and would chuckle at odd moments. His wife continued to badger the driver, who surprisingly, answered many of her questions. It was because of this that we gained some interesting insights into the life of a Grand Canyon shuttle bus driver. For instance, one time a guy tried to jump out of the window of the bus, and when he hurt his ribs doing so, he sued the Grand Canyon National Park. In another incident, several guys became upset because they were harassed by a younger bus driver who had slammed a door in their face and ran over their feet. The angry men chose to take it out on our bus driver and threatened to commandeer his bus. Our driver told the question lady how he bravely tricked and outmaneuvered them. The angry men responded by strapping a bomb to the underside of the bus and rigging it so that if the bus ever went under fifty miles an hour, it would explode. The driver performed many heroic acts and eventually diffused the bomb. The driver's story sounded oddly familiar, but I couldn't place where I had heard it before. The Grand Canyon really does have an interesting history. We spent two days at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, which was just about right. I had always thought that the Grand Canyon was one of those places that once you saw it, you wouldn't really have any desire to go back. I found that wasn't true. I'd like to go back at Christmas and take pictures of the canyon in the snow so that I can spend my retirement money on film developing. I'd also like to fill the canyon with those colorful little balls from the playground at McDonalds and jump right into the middle of it. I know that sounds crazy, but the Grand Canyon is a marvelous wonder of nature, and I left it feeling inspired. |
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