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In past columns, I explained how both my psychologist and my doctor told me that I am an alien. Without the help of trained professionals, finding out if one is a space alien can be a difficult task. As a public service, I have provided the following test that will to help you determine if you are a space alien. The test is very simple. If you answer yes to all of the questions then you are, indeed, from another planet. Here's the test:
· Do you have five toes on each foot? · Did your parents ever embarrass you in public? · Have you ever run a red light thinking it was green? · Have you ever turned the key in the ignition of your car and your car didn’t start? · Has someone ever called your house asking for someone who doesn’t live there? · Do you like plastic, or are there a lot of plastic bowls in your house? · Do you like guacamole? · Does drinking too many shots of tequila make you sick? · Have you ever been referred to as "weird?" · Are you from, or have you ever visited, California? · Did your parents ever say, "Why don't you go outside and play in the crop circles?" · On your eleventh birthday, did your parents make you sing "Googla, Googla, Googla," to classical music? If so, did they then peel off their skin to reveal that they were multi-tentacled alien monsters? If you answered "yes" to each and every one of the above questions, then you are a space alien. Congratulations! Please photocopy this column, insert it into the lower slot of the left translucent salient hyper-fusion drive of your ectoplasmic space ship, and wait for further instructions. |
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