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I recently went to the psychologist because I was having difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality. I know he has to be an excellent psychologist because I pay him a lot of money.
On my last visit, he gave me an inkblot test and asked me to describe what I saw in an inkblot. The inkblot looked like this:  I said, "It looks like a man with his head in his hands who is wearing a bunch of cloaks that are flapping in the wind. He is carrying a big stick on which a pig is impaled. He didn't mean to impale the pig, like for a barbecue or anything; the pig was impaled accidentally. The man is very sad because of this, which is why he has his head in his hands. He is also distraught because he has a hugely deformed foot." The psychologist was quiet for a moment and then -- and this is where it gets interesting -- he said, "You're a Martian." I found this fascinating because it is exactly what my medical doctor told me. I have recently learned that it is highly improbable that any life exists on Mars due to extremely high radiation levels on the planet's surface, which, I assume, is why I left. Still, the fact that I am a Martian does answer some questions. For example: Question: How did I get here? Answer: I came from somewhere else. Question: Why did I come to Earth? Answer: For the cheese. (The moon, it turns out, does not have a lot of cheese, like some people would have you to believe.) Question: Why do I like cheese so much? Answer: Because there isn't any on Mars. See, when you know the truth, many things become self-evident. By the way, my psychologist wanted me to let you know that he is not real. He said it would be healthy if I acknowledged this. But if that's the case, where does all my money go? Life is so confusing... |
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