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This is a response to all the emails I have received at work and at home over the past months that I haven't responded to previously.
No, I do not own a black Jeep Cherokee, license plate #28S 312, a red Ford Taurus with its lights on, nor am I parked in an unloading zone. I will be at the Potluck. I will bring dessert. Happy Birthday and Congratulations. Someone else has quit? Go figure. I have no idea where your lost file/folder/or thing you dropped in the parking lot is. I bet you feel stupid. Why would you send me an email to tell me that the email system is down? I'm not going to your meeting. When you ask me about it, I will tell you I forgot. Sorry, but I do not have any extra time to help you out. It's not that I'm not a team player. It's just that there's only one person on my team. Thanks for the link to the porn site. I really appreciate it, because of all things on the Net, porn is the most difficult to find. Similarly, I'm not quite sure how I got on your diet plan mailing list. Did someone email you and tell you I was fat? Regardless, If I really wanted to lose weight, I would turn off the computer and take my lazy sedentary butt out for walk. I appreciate the ad telling me that I can get rich quick with minimal effort as well as the invitation to join the pyramid scheme. I have forwarded your email to a company that pays me big bucks for every email I send them. I am now extremely wealthy and the only reason I'm writing this is because I'm bored as hell. Sound unbelievable? Unrealistic? Too good to be true? Then it is. Thank you for all the lovely, sentimental emails as well. Please be advised that I did not forward them. In fact, I deleted them, and every time I did, I won a two-dollar lottery ticket (which I exchanged for two losing tickets). Other than that, I did not suffer any unusual misfortune or good fortune. My life went on in a predictably boring fashion, despite the fact that I repeatedly tempted fate by deleting said emails. Deleting this particular email will make you lucky. Please do not forward it to everyone you know. Do not forward it to everyone on your distribution list and please do not forward it to names picked at random from other emails you may have received in your life. I changed my mind. I'm bringing salad to the potluck. Thanks, Best Wishes, Best Regards and Good Luck; See ya later, E-ya later, Have a good one, Until we meet again, Ciao, and all the lyrics from that Sound of Music song that has a whole bunch of ways to say goodbye, Bruce A. Smith |
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