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As requested by Lynda Kay, the editor of the I.E., to the left is a picture of me when I was really, really young. Tell your kids it's a balloon.
To quote the comedian Mitch Hedberg, "Every picture is a picture of you when you were younger." Lynda Kay has posed some questions about age, so I'll try my best to answer them: If you could, would you go back to a younger age? Yes. What age would you choose and why? I would choose the Ice Age because it was cooler and I like to go down big hills on inner tubes. Speaking of which, not many people have heard of the Hot Age, which in "Bruce" terms, is the year that I lived in Yermo, a small desert community ten miles northeast of Barstow. Like the Ice Age, it felt like an eternity for those who had to live through it. I spent much of that time watching the Watergate trials, which is another reason I think the Ice Age might not be so bad. It also brings me to the next question. What age are you now? Let me see... I always have to figure this out. I was in the seventh grade during the Watergate trials. If you add my age to that and then subtract the years that it took me to reach the seventh grade, you get 39. Well, what do you know? I'm 39. I'll be 40 in June. Some men buy red sports cars and have affairs with young women when they reach the age of 40. I've decided to skip that. Instead I'm going to play computer games and eat M&M's for a solid year. See you in June of 2002. I seem to have gotten sidetracked. Next question. If you want to be younger, would you trade I.Q. points 1-for-1? To answer this question, I must first change my answer to the second question. Instead of going back to the Ice Age, I would like to go back to when I was in college. Then I could change my major to something that I could have used in a career. Yes, I would trade I.Q. points because I wasn't really using my brain back then anyway. My mindset was pretty much the same as it was when the picture at the top of this column was taken. That went away when I matured, but I'm told it will come back when I reach 40, so I don't have to worry. Now I'd like to ask an age question of my own. How many of you would like to create a time machine so you could go back in time and kick your younger self's butt for making such stupid decisions? Well... I would. One more comment on the age thing. My wife and I went to a party and we were trying to figure out the age of the guy who was holding it. I suggested that my wife just ask him how old he was, but she said that it is politically incorrect to take host ages. Well, that was fun. Thanks for the idea Lynda. |
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